Tuesday, January 7, 2014


at 6:28 PM
As I said in my last post, December was a crazy-hectic month for me. I'm finally back home after a whirlwind of travel, and I'm able to start updating with photos from craft projects. Maybe this weekend. So keep an eye out.

Thanksgiving week had some curve balls thrown into our family life, but if you know me, you already know this, and that I'm done talking about it. What it did do was give me a lot to think about, especially in light of my future. Since it's the time of year (and the time of our lives) where people think about weddings more often, it's been in my thoughts for some time. This is relevant, mainly, as it ties into my resolutions, but also because it's the most prevalent topic of conversation, lately.

Here are two very interesting articles to read.
This one is about how happily ever afters don't exist.
The second is written in a very flippant, but poignant, way and gives us some things to think about and add to our "Things to Accomplish before 30" list. Which is apparently a thing. I'm game.

 Also, the amount of articles that have been popping up relating to our generation gives me hope. It means we're not alone in feeling lost in limbo. So let's cherish that feeling, and cherish this time.

Which brings us to resolutions. We need to make the most of now, which is why my resolution this year is to focus on me.

For the first time in my life I'm at a place where I can take the time to just focus on me. I have a stable job, live in a lovely community, have a great support group, and a house that feels like home. I don't have to spend all my energy worrying about the immediate future, like I have for the past few years. I don't have to plan out where I'm going to be, or what I'm going to do, for the next 3-5 years. I'm content where I am, so I can put future planning on the back burner and focus on now.

So what do I mean, focus on me?

About a year and a half ago I broke up with the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. That kind of thing makes you reflect a lot on your life. I've come to the realization that, while I was with him, I wasn't fully me. I want to explore that, and find out who I am and who I'm supposed to be. I know now that he wasn't right for me, and I'm at the point where I don't miss him, or the life I planned with him. Earlier this year I started dating again, but I think it was more to prove (to myself, as well as friends and family) that I wasn't heartbroken. But I don't think I'm ready. Not emotionally... not physically. How can I expect to find someone who loves me for me if I don't love me? And how can I love myself if I don't know who I am?

Specifically, this resolution means I'm going to focus on a couple of things.

1. Be Happy! This includes working on my spontaneity, doing things just because I want to do them, and not worrying or stressing about things as much. This is an extension of last year's resolution, but it worked last year and I'm excited to continue down this path.
2. Smile More. Especially at work. It's already improved my rapport with two of my classes that rarely got a chance to see me smile and joke around last semester, and we're only two days in.
3. Get Fit. Not because any person or society tells me so, but because I still have this image of me in my head that doesn't match the image I see in the mirror. Because I know I can be the person in my head, and I want to be that always. It's not an unrealistic expectation of when I was skin and bones in high school, but it's not what I am right now. So, I'm calorie counting again. It worked two years ago, it should work now ...as long as I'm consistent.
4. Run! Not just to get fit, but because I'm a runner. I always have been. It's in my blood. I need to be able to run for the enjoyment of running. The only reason I stopped was due to injuries, and then breathing became hard due to allergies. I was running consistently in November, and got up to a mile and half (yay!) without breathing issues but then the holidays happened. I went to the gym this morning and ran (well, jogged) for 15 minutes straight, without stopping (over a mile!). After 6+ weeks without working out of any kind, I was much impressed. And it wasn't even hard to get up the motivation to go. I'm excited for tomorrow.
5. Community. This one is multi-fold. I've got a set group of friends in the area now, and that makes me happy. I'd like to find some specific communities for activities I enjoy, too. I'd like to get a DnD group together again, and I want to learn to dance (swing, western, or salsa). I'm also excited to get to the rock gym more often (I got money for gear over the holidays!). Going back up the the idea of weddings... all the conversations I've been having, and articles I've been reading, about marriage, a girl tends to plan them in her head. I don't know a single girl who doesn't. My sister's even planned her fall-back wedding with her best friend, cake and all, for if they're both still single at a set age. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that the most important part to me is the church ceremony. Which means I need to find a church community, and start attending regularly.
6. No boys. Back to the idea of dating and tying in with weddings, I've decided that I need to spend this year not even contemplating the idea of entering into a committed relationship. If I date and have fun, great. If it happens, it happens. But I'm not going to search for it, pine for it, or grab at it. This year isn't for relationships. It's for me.

Well, that's what I'm doing to focus on me this year. I think it's accomplishable. Apparently that's not a word. Hm... learn something new every day.

What are you going to do for you?

[Author's note: This is the second time I've written this because my computer froze half-way through. Cross my fingers this posts!]


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