Musing About a Merry-Go-Round

There's a new country song out by Kacey Musgraves that's caught my attention. It's hit a chord in my soul, possibly because of my upbringing. If you didn't know me, you'd probably never guess. But I was born in Upstate New York on a Navy Base and spent the first large part of my life in South Carolina on or around a base. I didn't move to the Bay Area until Junior High. But I've always loved the idea of a small-town feel. The best part of my job last year was knowing that if I wanted to, I could spend my entire life in that community. My heart yearned for it. That's one of the reasons I had to leave. I knew I wasn't supposed to be there, and I couldn't stand the idea of falling in love with the community (the families, the traditions, all of it...) knowing that the school could collapse at any minute. I don't enjoy change, and the school was anything but stable. I can't stand big cities, so I enjoy suburbia, knowing that I'm close enough to visit a city, with all the comforts of a city, without the jarring, changing nature of it. But I'd much enjoy living in a smaller community.

The song is called "Merry 'Go Round"



Here are the lyrics:

If you ain't got two kids by 21,
You're probably gonna die alone.
Least that's what tradition told you.
And it don't matter if you don't believe,
Come Sunday morning, you best be there in the front row like you're supposed to.

Same hurt in every heart.
Same trailer, different park.

Mama's hooked on Mary Kay.
Brother's hooked on Mary Jane.
Daddy's hooked on Mary two doors down.
Mary, Mary quite contrary.
We get bored, so, we get married
Just like dust, we settle in this town.
On this broken merry go 'round and 'round and 'round we go
Where it stops nobody knows and it ain't slowin' down.
This merry go 'round.

We think the first time's good enough.
So, we hold on to high school love.
Sayin' we won't end up like our parents.
Tiny little boxes in a row.
Ain't what you want, it's what you know.
Just happy in the shoes you're wearin'.
Same checks we're always cashin' to buy a little more distraction.

'Cause mama's hooked on Mary Kay.
Brother's hooked on Mary Jane.
Daddy's hooked on Mary two doors down.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary.
We get bored, so, we get married.
Just like dust, we settle in this town.
On this broken merry go 'round and 'round and 'round we go
Where it stops nobody knows and it ain't slowin' down.
This merry go 'round.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary.
We're so bored until we're buried.
Just like dust, we settle in this town.
On this broken merry go 'round.
Merry go 'round.

Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Jack burned out on booze and pills.
And Mary had a little lamb.
Mary just don't give a damn no more. 

 

 

My generation, my friends and classmates, my graduating class... we didn't have quite this push to get married young. In fact, our parents pushed us away from getting married early and told us to go to college. But I still feel like we're internally feeling this same push. At least, I do. I feel that's what I'm supposed to do. And I -want- to be married and have kids. I'm working hard on understanding that God's plan is for me to wait. 

I don't really know what the point of this entry is, just musings, I suppose. 

Mary, Mary, quite contrary.
We get bored, so, we get married.

 

No-one I know is in this situation. Bored is not a word my generation knows. We are always busy. We run from degree to degree, job to job, trying to find where we fit, just as fast as we possibly can. While we weren't told that we should be married with children by now, most of us know our parents were at our age and we feel like we are behind if we can't even find a job. We run through limbo, searching for our dream job, our passion, following every little bread trail hoping that it leads to a castle instead of a witch's den. We never take the time to stop, sit, and think about what really drives us. 

Are we being driven by some internalized feeling that makes us think we should be something we aren't?

By societal views of where we should be?

Or by our hopes and dreams, like we should be? 

Are we getting that extra degree because Momma and Daddy expect it, or because it will help us obtain our goals? 

Are we truly living at home working non-career-helping jobs because we are waiting to see where we will fit into this great big world, or because we are afraid to jump into the world waiting for us feet first? 

Do we stay close to home because we love it here, or because we feel safer with our security net. And why? 

I have an amazing friend who has spent the last 4 years traveling. She lived a year in Peru, and another in Buenos Aires. 

Another who went to Georgia to teach English, on a whim, and ended up meeting her husband there. 

We start our lives when we are ready to let go. When we can finally drop the apron strings, close our eyes, and jump feet first. 

But that doesn't mean I'm ready yet.